Chapter 24

Michael’s heart raced as he drove a mere ten kilometres over the speed limit on the highway to Hanger. Jesse had left on Friday evening before he had a chance to say goodbye, and it was unreal how much it bothered him not to see her face in the morning. Then he had a camper whose parents didn’t show up, and his assistant cabin leader had to leave because his ride was going, so he was stuck. He played bump and assured the kid that his parents still loved him, until they arrived very casually at noon. Finally on the road, the minutes ticked by with agonizing slowness till he pulled into the driveway at her camp.
It only became worse when he realized she wasn’t there. He paced nervously, from one end of the lot to the other, to the end of the dock, up to his car again, and even back up the road, looking for her. Finally, on one foray out on the dock, he looked out at the hills and realized his insanity. He closed his eyes, felt the sun beating down on him, and breathed. She would come, he told himself. Just wait for her. Stop the madness.
Oh God, I love her, he prayed. Please help me to show her that. Please make her say yes. God, I’ll be good to her. I’ll love her with all the strength that is in me, for as long as you give me breath. Just let her say yes. Give me the right words, and let her say yes.
His breathless plea was barely uttered when he heard a car pull in the laneway, and from it emerged Jesse...and her grandmother.
“Hello little boy!” Nana called. “Come help us carry this stuff from the car!”
“Where’ve you been?” he asked Jesse as they carried bags to the cabin.
“At the hospital,” she replied. “Jasmine’s still there.”
“How is she?” he asked with real concern. He would never forget the sight of her that night on the beach, bleeding, in Jesse’s arms. It was the most gruesome scene he’d ever witnessed.
“She’s better,” she said convincingly as he opened the door for her. “She’s in some pain, but she’ll live, and her spirits are definitely up.”
“Does she get to go home any time soon?”
“I don’t know,” she said, setting her bags down on the counter, and the light faded from her eyes.
“If you’re talking about that girl that stabbed herself, they’ll be keeping her in the hospital for a while,” called Nana from the corner bedroom.
“I think she’ll stay there as long as she can,” Jesse said more quietly. “It sounds to me like she has a rough time of it at home.”
Michael nodded, remembering her parents’ behaviour at the hospital. They hadn’t impressed him as loving, concerned guardians by any stretch of the imagination. “It’s nice of you to visit her.”
For this he received a beaming smile. “I think I might be enjoying it more than her.”
He raised his bushy blond eyebrows. “Really? I never thought you two were great friends.”
“We weren’t, but a lot has changed.”
He grinned at her. “Well surprise, surprise - tragedy strikes, and Jesse makes a new friend.”
“Yes, but this time I was the one doing the rescuing, not the one being rescued,” she said proudly.
Nana came out of the bedroom holding two sweaters. “Little girl, try these on, it’s cold outside and I think they’ll fit you.”

He stayed for supper. Jesse’s grandfather eyed him narrowly during the meal, making him nervous. When they finished the dishes, which he washed and Jesse dried, he asked her if she’d like to take a walk. When she told her Nana what they were doing, her grandparents said to wait, and they’d come along. It was not until after nine that they decided to head for home, and as they were leaving, Jesse’s grandfather asked Michael where he was planning on staying that night. Thankfully, he could truthfully report that he’d scrounged an old mattress from Bible Camp, and would be sleeping at his aunt’s house. That seemed to appease everyone. With a final goodnight to their granddaughter, the odd couple finally left.
“Well, I suppose I should go, too,” said Michael to Jesse. “Wanna walk me home?” he asked playfully.
“Don’t you have your car?” she asked.
Oh, right, he thought.
“Why don’t you stay for a while?” she suggested, to his great relief. “It’s kind of cold out, and I could build us a fire in the stove.”
He looked deep into her eyes, which seemed unaware of how appealing she was. “Now how could I resist that offer?” he said with a grin.
She smiled back, but then quickly moved away from him and went into the living room, where she began making the promised fire. “Actually, I wanted to talk with you,” she admitted while choosing various sticks from the woodbox and arranging them to suit her fancy. “I can’t really talk in front of my grandparents, you know, and this week at camp has been kind of strange.”
“Just a little,” he agreed. “By the way, are you ever going to tell me why I sent Ray Jansen home?” he asked.
Jesse set her mouth in a thin line, apparently contemplating her answer. “He did something horrible. Is that enough?”
“Of course,” said Michael, gently. “I trust your judgement, I was just curious. Ray never struck me as a particularly horrible guy, and it kind of bothers me that he turned out to be one.”
Jesse immediately seemed remorseful for her hard words. Standing, she put a hand on his arm. “You couldn’t have known,” she said. “He didn’t do anything vicious, or dangerous, he just...conducted himself very badly. He was a hypocrite.”
His eyes still questioned her though, and she gave in.
“Fine, then - he slept with one of my girls. Happy now?”
“Happy isn’t the word I would use,” Michael stammered. Wow. “That’s bad,” he agreed. But then, why wasn’t the girl sent home? “Were they in love?” he asked hopefully, though he couldn’t see that being the case with Ray.
She shook her head. “He used her. She was looking for someone to love her, and he took advantage of that.” She turned back to her fire-making efforts, stuffing paper and birchbark into the nooks and crannies of her wood creation.
“I’m sorry,” he said. “Is she alright?”
“She will be,” said Jesse. “But I don’t think he has any idea what he did to her. Boys don’t know how much a girl feels,” she said, trying to light a match. “They’re not taught...and they don’t care. Girls get called easy, or worse, but it’s almost expected of boys.” A match finally caught, and she touched it to the paper, then gently blew on the flame until some of the twigs were lit. She shut the door, played with the flu, and straightened again to face the only boy in the room. “The world is absolutely sexist,” she told him, revealing her inner feminist. “With all the talk about equality and women’s rights, girls always get blamed far worse than men do for things like this, and Christians can be the worst for it. The girl is always the temptress, luring the naive little boy off the straight and narrow. But no one ever says anything about the guy who pretends to love her, who says all the right things just to get what he wants, and then breaks her heart.”
“You’re right,” he said.
She eyed him suspiciously. “What?” She’d expected some defence of the male population.
“Most guys aren’t taught how to treat women right, and they can get away with a lot more than girls can. Most of them are scum and they don’t even know it. But that’s the world. The world is nuts, you know that.”
“Yeah, well, Ray wasn’t supposed to be a part of the world - he was supposed to be a Christian.”
“Ray was a hypocrite,” Michael corrected.
Jesse slumped into the chair beside the fireplace, which now had a lively fire crackling in it. “Yeah, he was a hypocrite,” she agreed. “I wish there weren’t so many of those.”
Michael laughed and sat down in the couch beside her. “You can’t be responsible for all of them, you know.”
“I know. But I got Ray, didn’t I?” she said delightedly.
“Yeah, you got Ray,” he smiled.
Then he saw Jesse flinch. “What’s wrong?” he asked worriedly.
She waved it off. “Oh, nothing, just a kick.”
Michael was intrigued. “Does it hurt?” he asked.
“Not really, it just startles me. It can get uncomfortable at night, though. She keeps me awake, rolling around in there.”
“Why at night?”
“She sleeps during the day, probably because my walking rocks her to sleep. Then when I stop moving she wakes up.”
He couldn’t hide his curiosity. “I can’t even imagine what that feels like.”
“Well,” began Jesse... “no, she’s stopped now. Wait a minute, maybe if I lie down...” And so saying, she lay down on the rug. A few seconds ticked by as Michael watched, fascinated.
“Now! Come here,” she said, gesturing, and he came and knelt by her stomach. “Put your hand right there...no, wait.” She pulled her shirt up over her rising belly, showing more skin than Michael would have thought her capable of. She reached for his hand, but when it touched her skin he drew it away quickly.
“It won’t bite, silly,” she promised, amused by the shocked look on his face.
Tentatively, he gave her his hand again, and she guided it to the appropriate spot. Her skin was warm, and he wondered if his hand felt cold to her. Nothing. Then - there it was, a movement! It was like nothing he had ever felt before. It was amazing. He put both hands on her, nearly covering the small round bump. “I can feel it!” he exclaimed, as he felt another wave of pressure.
“That was a somersault,” she explained. “She’s got a lot of room in there still, cause she’s just little.”
“Wow,” he said. “Does it make a noise?”
She nodded, and he put his ear to her belly button. Soon he was rewarded with a definite gurgle. He pulled back in surprise, and Jesse giggled at him. She sat up and drew her sweater back down. “Satisfied?” she asked.
Michael shook his head. “I want one of those!” he declared, grinning from ear to ear.
She laughed at him. “You say that now, but you wouldn’t be so excited when it came time to deliver.”
“Maybe you’re right,” he agreed. Now? Was it the right time? Was there a right time? “But if I can’t do it for you, I’d at least like to be there when this one’s born.”
Jesse looked at him strangely.
“I mean, I want to be with you, for all of it. I want to be there for you. I - I love you.” His heart was pounding right through his chest. “I mean, do you think, maybe, you’d like to...marry me?” Oh, that had come out badly. He should kneel, but he already was. She wasn’t saying anything. “Please, Jesse,” he said, taking a deep breath, pleading her with his eyes, “will you marry me?”
She knew him too well to doubt his meaning. He wouldn’t say something like this unless he really meant it, and if there had been any doubt in his words, she couldn’t resist his eyes. She never liked meeting people’s eyes for more than an instant - it seemed too personal, too intimate. She saw things she didn’t want to, and felt somehow violated, herself. But his eyes were different; strong but gentle, taking only what she offered, making her feel safe. They made her want to stay in them forever.
“Yes,” she said calmly. “I’ll marry you.”
He was trembling. She took his hands, and kissed them. They smiled at each other, and she felt a tear slide down her face. He cupped her cheek and brushed the tear away with his thumb. They both laughed. Impulsively, she hugged him around the neck.
“I love you,” she said. He hugged her back. It was the happiest moment of both of their lives...yet.

Their news rocked the camp. It completely obliterated the staff meeting on Sunday afternoon. Some of the boys, particularly Keith and Zeb, didn’t seem at all surprised, but wore broad grins, shouted hearty congratulations, and insisted on kissing the bride-to-be - on the cheek. Bob and Kim, who had never heard anything officially, gave each other knowing looks. Many of the girls screamed. Amy Laverly held Jesse’s hands and jumped up and down, and Phil jumped up on a bench, hugged Michael around the shoulders, kissed him on both cheeks, and called him a ‘beautiful boy!’. Samantha hugged Jesse protectively, looked Michael over skeptically, then shook his hand.
Then the girls wanted to hear all the details, mobbing Jesse and demanding to hear the whole story. The boys rolled their eyes and suggested that they split up ‘into departments’, which was usually kitchen, maintenance, female cabin leaders and male cabin leaders. Today, however, they split solely along gender lines, and all the boys headed out to the kitchen steps.
The girls’ questions came one after another, and Jesse was as giddy as any of them. She laughed and giggled, she shook all over, and she couldn’t keep the smile off her face...and she gave up pretty much every detail, except exactly how he’d asked. The truth was she could hardly remember. After she’d accepted, they’d held each other tight, as though they’d never let go. No, they hadn’t kissed...somehow they hadn’t thought to, it just didn’t seem necessary. They stayed up for hours, talking, planning. She called her mom, who talked to her dad, and then Michael asked her dad for her hand over the phone. His parents had given them the stone house where his aunt used to live. He was going to find a job - no, they didn’t know what, exactly. He had ordered her not to work at anything but being a wife and mother, until and unless she really wanted to. The wedding date was two weeks from yesterday. No, they didn’t have a church...or a minister...or a marriage license. They would get them. Yes, everyone from camp could come. No, she didn’t have a dress. Yes, she was very happy. No, she wasn’t nervous. Yes, she loved him.
The week flew by. It was High Teens: a very small camp, and at least half of the campers had been on staff at some point in the summer, or were little brothers and sisters of staff members. Michael and Jesse had almost no responsibilities, but fully participated in camp activities and were not often seen alone together. They still met at night on the picnic table by the beach, making plans and talking of dreams, but every night either Keith, Zeb or Bob would come out and shine a flashlight on them at exactly 11:45, and order them off to their own cabins.
Jesse felt that she grew more in love with Michael every day, and at times was amazed at her sureness in her own decision. Considered rationally, she had every reason to doubt herself: she had known her fiancé for a total of four months, including two last summer when they’d hardly spoken; she was six months pregnant, so her hormones were going crazy, and she suspected she was emotionally unstable; in the last six months she was pretty sure she’d witnessed demonic/supernatural forces at work on earth at least three times; and she was marrying the man who just happened to own the house that she had always believed would solve all her problems. Oh, and one more thing: she and her intended had never actually kissed. She had been led to believe that the whole kissing thing was somewhat important, that it was the best way to tell if he loved you, or if you were right together, or if you had ‘chemistry’.
Despite all these things, Jesse had no doubt in her mind, or in her heart. She trusted Michael completely, and she just knew that he was it. She was hard put to explain why they hadn’t kissed yet, they hadn’t made some kind of a rule about it or anything, and she was sure she would want to. Her heart fluttered just to be near him, and when they embraced she never wanted to let go. Perhaps she felt her emotions were raw enough already, without adding any more tension. She was so happy, she didn’t want anything to mar these last, perfect days. And without saying anything, Michael always seemed to know the right thing to do. He talked to her, laughed with her, and held her close, but that was all.
The end of camp was bittersweet. It was so sad to say goodbye, but they had everything to look forward to, and it wasn’t really goodbye because practically everyone was going to be at the wedding, anyway.
For the next week Michael sequestered himself in their new home. Jesse wasn’t allowed anywhere near the house while he made it ready for her to move in. She would have missed him more if she weren’t so busy herself. Her family arrived on Tuesday, and while her father spent time with Michael, helping him with the work, her mother and sisters helped her with the necessary shopping. Her sisters bought pale yellow tea-length sundresses to wear as bridesmaids. Jesse thought they were adorable, and Corah and Marnie approved because they were dresses they could wear again - though not together. Her own dress was harder to find, but eventually she found what she wanted. It was a plain white dress, and it looked lovely on her for all its simplicity. She was glad she was not yet terribly large, but couldn’t help wondering what she would think of the wedding pictures. Would she be able to display them proudly on the walls of her new home, or show them to her guests? She told herself she was being silly, and pushed the thought out of her mind.
She hardly saw Michael at all during this week, but she was kept so busy that she had very little time to even think about him. In fact she saw him only once, the day he came by to take her for a paddleboat ride. “Do you remember when I shared at Testimony Campfire?” he asked her, as they propelled the boat slowly away from the dock.
She did. It had been early in the summer, and it was a ‘Prodigal Son’ testimony. She always put testimonies into categories, and so far had met with surprisingly few types. His was one of the most typical: raised in a Christian home, asked Jesus into his heart at a young age, but turned away from it when he grew older. Fell in with the wrong crowd – it usually happened in highschool, occasionally at college or university. Eventually hit a low, came to his senses, and ‘recommitted’ himself to Christ. She’d often wondered about this kind of testimony, having never gone through a rebellion phase herself. What of the in-between years? Did the childish faith count? Were they saved or were they lost? Had they ever really been saved in the first place? It brought her to the tricky question of whether it was possible to lose one’s salvation.
Michael’s story had been particularly vague for a Prodigal Son testimony. He hadn’t elaborated on his sins, and she’d never asked him about them. They never seemed terribly important; but now she saw that they weighed heavily on him, whatever they were. And he was going to tell her, though he didn’t really want to.
“I don’t like talking about what I did,” he said. “I feel like it was someone else who did those things, but it wasn’t. It was me.” He took a deep breath. “I did a lot of things. I started smoking marijuana when I was in grade seven. I – I got mixed up with some kids at the highschool, kind of like a gang. We were thieves. I stole from a lot of people, and eventually I ended up in jail.”
He hadn’t said anything about jail in his testimony. That was a surprise to her.
His arrest had been a shock to his parents, because whatever he had been messed up in, he’d always kept his clean-cut image. When he got to highschool he didn’t hang around with his friends in the smoking area where anyone could see. He kept his unsavory associations strictly after school hours, when his parents thought he was with his official friends, the ones on the student council and from youth group. His grades were never stellar, but he made sure they were decent, and he played on the basketball team all through highschool. He’d been two people, and he’d believed he kept them separate, until the day he had to phone his parents from jail. Behind bars, he’d seen what he could become, what he was on his way to becoming. He also had a very long chat with the prison chaplain. He found out that though he had fooled a lot of people, he hadn’t fooled God. God knew what he was, had known all along.
Jesse listened to his confession without interruption, then she asked one question. “Are you trying to tell me something?”
There was both sadness and forgiveness in her voice, but he quickly put that concern to rest. “No! Not that. I don’t know why I didn’t, but somehow God kept me from that.”
“Then why? I’m not giving you a list of my past sins. Why was it so important to you that I know about yours?”
“It’s not just the sins,” he said. “Worse than anything I ever did, and I did a lot of bad stuff, was who I was. I was a bad person, Jesse. I wasn’t a good kid caught up in something I didn’t understand. I knew what I was doing was wrong, and I did it anyway. I thought you should know the truth about the person you’re going to marry.”
She searched his face, looking for a trace of the person he had described. She couldn’t find it. “I’m not marrying that person,” she said finally. “You’re not him anymore. Whatever he did, it doesn’t matter to me. And you should have known it wouldn’t.”
Michael smiled. “If I hadn’t, do you think I would have told you?”

The day of the wedding dawned perfectly. Jesse and her sisters dressed at her Nana and Papa’s house, and they drove to a tiny little church in Hanger so packed full of people that every seat was taken, and others stood along the back and side edges. Michael waited for her at the end of the aisle, and they said their vows before God, the Baptist minister, and everyone else. Michael was nervous about their first kiss, but when the time came he was so happy, and performed his duty so enthusiastically, that the old people clapped and the young people in the room cheered.
The groom and his bride were whisked away to their reception, which was held at the Eagle’s Nest on the Conference Centre. It was not expensive or in any way fancy, but it was beautiful. Jesse’s aunts on her father’s side had filled it with flowers, and no one on her mother’s side complained once about gathering together again so soon. Not everyone could come on such short notice, but in the end Jesse was glad she had agreed to her parents’ insistence on a real wedding, instead of eloping, as she’d wanted to at first. It was true that the marriage was more important than the wedding, but it was also right that their family and friends should get to celebrate this day with them. After all, they were not alone in the world. And besides, the sight of Mark Saunders asking Corah to dance was priceless.