Chapter 7

What do you do when you wake up to darkness?
Jesse picked up a rock and contemplated throwing it in the moonlit water; changed her mind and held it up to see it sparkle. It was so pretty. She should keep it.
Swiftly her arm whipped back and then hurled it out, into the mouth of a far wave, one of the millions and billions of waves that had rolled through that bay over thousands of years. She couldn’t keep every pretty rock she found; if she did she would run out of room to live. So the rock had to be thrown away, where she couldn’t be tempted to pick it up again. It was better that way. Better for her, better for the rock. She thought of it’s pink shininess, the sharp points she had allowed her fingers to feel for just an instant. It would be happier there, out in the world’s biggest lake. Much happier than gathering dust under her bed, forgotten and stale.
“Look at me, talking about a rock’s happiness,” she mused to herself. I must be going crazy. Crazy in the moonlight. She picked up another one and threw it out without looking at it. The wind rustled through the trees to her right and her left, keeping watch over the camp and its sleepers. “No sleep for me tonight,” whispered the girl. She looked up at the black sky filled with stars. So big, and she... so alone. She shivered. Her hand moved and another rock found a new home among the waves. “Rock of ages, cleft for me...” came a hollow tune from her lips. And she walked up and down the beach, with the song more in her head than sung, till calling seagulls and hazy greyness announced daybreak.

Keith’s snores woke Michael up. That, and the sun shining in his eyes. He pulled the blankets over his head. It helped with the sunlight, but not the snoring. So reluctantly Michael got up and tossed his pillow in Keith’s general direction. It hit him in the head and then fell to the ground, having little or no effect on it’s target. Michael’s mind was foggy and he was grumpy, not being much of a morning person. It was 6:30, no less. What did one do at 6:30 in the morning, if one couldn’t sleep?
The air outside was chilly and the grass was wet, which he noticed particularly because he didn’t have any shoes on. Disregarding that fact, he trekked, yawning, to the shower, figuring it had probably been a while since the last one. He really couldn’t remember at this ungodly hour.

Jesse had walked to the Conference Centre, otherwise known as ‘the other side’ of camp. It lay on the same bay as the children’s camp, but was separated from it by a small private property, requiring a ten-minute walk back up the dirt road to reach it. Although technically she was still on camp property, she wasn’t sure her trip would have been sanctioned by the proper authorities... but at five in the morning she wasn’t likely to be missed.
Upon arriving at her destination, she climbed the stairs of Eagle’s Nest, the large chalet overlooking the lake. She curled up on a wooden swing on the second-story balcony, and watched as the early fog slowly dissipated, leaving behind it the sound of birds chirping happily. How sweet they sounded! Each one so different, each call having its own special meaning. And they were so noisy about it! None shy or quiet, as if they knew just how beautiful their songs were.
To the sound of their music she opened her Bible and sought comfort, in the one place she knew to find it.
“...He said to me, ‘My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness’...That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.”
II Corinthians 12:9,10
“When I am weak, then I am strong,” she repeated. Slowly she breathed in, then out, her eyes closed. I feel weak, she conceded, but my father isn’t, and he will make me strong. A comforting thought. She opened her eyes. The world was waking. She had walked here in a black-and-white movie world, but now the leaves were green, the wood was honey-coloured, and the sky was red. Across the lake the clouds were pink and fluffy. It was a perfect painting. The water in front, trees framing it like a stage curtain and surrounding her on both sides, only a little higher than herself due to her perch, and to her back, a strong wall. It was so beautiful, so calming. She almost wished she didn’t have to leave it, but soon the camp would be waking and the day would be full.
She had the whole day ahead of her! On how much sleep? She didn’t know what time the nightmares had woken her, but is seemed she had been awake for hours. It was silly to stay up, very silly. She could have gone back to sleep if she had tried, but at the time that had seemed an unappealing option, and now the sun was coming up and she’d missed her chance. It was stupid, that she knew; yet she wouldn’t have traded this morning for anything.
In an unexpected twist of fate, Phil came up just as she was beginning to doze off. “Well well well, look what we have here,” she mused as she rounded the corner of the chalet and walked towards Jesse, stunning her with her appearance. “Shove over, will ya?” she ordered and sat down next to her on the bench swing. She was wrapped in her sleeping bag and looked remarkably like a caterpillar. She rested her head on Jesse’s shoulder and shared the sack’s warmth. “What got you out of bed so early?” she smiled. “Baby kickin?”
Phil inserted herself into the scene with such ease that for a moment Jesse forgot to be amazed, and answered her query. “I told you I didn’t want to talk about it. But no - I can’t even feel it yet.”
“Really?” Phil asked sleepily.
“No. I suppose I can tell it’s there, but it doesn’t do anything. What are you doing up?” she managed to ask finally.
“I wanted to see the sunrise.”
“Liar,” Jesse declared doubtfully.
“I did too!” Phil protested.
“You’ve never gotten up before the sun a day in your life. Till now,” she amended.
Phil shrugged. “Maybe not. But something got me up this morning. I just felt like seeing it, for once, seeing as I was already awake.”
Jesse sighed. “It is pretty, isn’t it?” The sky was becoming brighter, and streams of yellow peeked around the earth’s sphere to tease them. They were quiet for a while, watching, till the sun was half up and Phil’s crooning voice cut in dramatically,

Sunriiiise, sunset; sunriiiiise, sunset.
Swiftleeee, flow the yeeeeears
One season following another
Laden with happiness, and tears.

A part of Jesse wanted to laugh, but she loved the song, so she joined in quite seriously on the next verse. They sang the sun up, rocking back and forth slowly, knowing no one could hear them and not caring if anyone did.
It was silent for a few seconds after their song was over. Then applause came from below.
“That was lovely, girls, just lovely!”
They gave each other one horrified look, and then ran to the railing as Zeb Lewis, Will Chambers and Peter Laverly walked out from under the balcony, clapping appreciatively and laughing up at them.
Jesse was horror-struck. Phil began screaming threats and oaths down at the amused boys. Jesse had to stop her from throwing her Bible at them.
“Is the whole camp up this morning?” she muttered to herself and Phil. To the boys she called out, “how long have you guys been down there?”
The boys howled in answer. Phil got so mad she turned and ran down the stairs. Jesse followed, picking up the sleeping bag that lay forgotten on the deck.
Words were exchanged and, with some persuasion, promises of secrecy eventually obtained. Jesse wasn’t too worried about it, but Phil had a reputation to uphold. She would not have reports of her morning madness being spread around camp.
When Phil was finally satisfied with the boys’ contriteness, the fivesome decided to walk further down the shore together, since their paths had already crossed so improbably. There was no real beach here: the land was mostly a park-like maze of forest and trails, with a long, flat grassy strip about 100 feet wide, right before a 20 foot drop-off to the water. It was on this strip of grass they travelled.
“Hey, you guys ever think about birds?” Zeb asked as they walked.
Will looked at him sideways. Zeb was tall, but Will was the giant: 6"4, pretty well built and a mop of shaggy blond hair, and although he was eighteen, he claimed he still had some growing years left in him. Jesse always thought of him as a friendly giant. “What about ‘em?” he asked.
Zeb looked up for emphasis. “Do you figure they think? I mean, are they smart?”
“Smart like, people smart, or smart as far as animals go?” said Will.
“Smart like, is that critter up there looking down at us and saying to himself, look at those losers down there, walkin’ along. Not goin’ anywhere. Little do they know, I could swoop down at any moment and peck all their eyes out!”
“You’re weird,” Phil said.
“I don’t think that’s ever been in question” answered Zeb.
“Then again, he wasn’t the one singing Fiddler on the Roof this morning!” said Will, laughing and pointing at her.
Phil scowled threateningly, “Why I oughta...”
“Simmer, simmer,” said Peter, gesturing with his hands. “God doesn’t want us to get nasty.” He stood between Phil and her target in a peacemaking effort. “Remember, ‘God is love’.”
Jesse couldn’t help chuckling at their antics, but didn’t get involved.
“Hey, is there a fight goin’ on?” asked Zeb, just clueing in, having been absorbed with his birdwatching and mild paranoia. “Cause I wouldn’t mind seeing a good fight. Provided, of course, I’m not the one being fought.”
“Will, say you’re sorry,” Peter ordered.
“Would it make you feel better?” Will asked Phil.
“Yes, it would,” she said.
“Then I’m sorry.”
“And you mean it this time? No more bringing it up?”
“Sure.”
“Good.”
That ended the conversation, and they continued walking until they reached a set of steps leading down to the water. All five of them sat down on the top two steps.
“So,” said Zeb, “You guys believe in aliens?”
Zeb was weird like that. Jesse never knew what went on in his head, but if the bits that leaked out were any indication, it was doubtful the world could handle much of it.
Will took the bait. “Not till I met you.”
Zeb latched on, unoffended. “So before you knew about me, you’re saying you didn’t believe in aliens?”
Will couldn’t quite figure out if he was being tricked or not. “I guess not,” he said uncertainly.
“I believe in aliens,” said Phil, putting her chin on her knees. “Why would God put all those planets out there if he wasn’t gonna use ‘em?”
“I would think he’d have told us if he’d done that,” reflected Peter.
“Why?” asked Zeb. “Does he have to tell us about every single thing he’s ever done?”
“No,” said Peter, “it just wouldn’t make sense. If there were more people out there, why would he tell us to be ‘searching the skies’ and ‘looking heavenward’ all the time? Then we could be focussing on other created beings, rather than him.”
“That can’t be right,” put in Jesse, unable to keep to herself any longer. “What about angels and stuff? They’re up there too.” And then, just to make it clear, she added - “Not that I believe in aliens. Because I don’t.”
“Oh really?” said Zeb. “You sound like you’re on the fence. Come over to the dark side, Jesse! You know you wanna. It’s nothing to be ashamed of. We know you’re an alien-lover at heart!”
“You’re scary,” said Jesse.
“I still think he would have told us,” Peter confirmed. “It’s kind of an important thing.”
“Maybe he thought it would worry us unnecessarily,” suggested Phil.
“Well, it’s obviously got you worried, so not telling us didn’t work, if that’s the case,” said Peter, smiling.
“I can’t believe you guys are having a serious conversation about this,” said Will. “If it weren’t for the media, no one would take aliens seriously. They play on our fears, and they make millions doing it.”
Phil took this personally. “The media didn’t just make this all up. Maybe they’ve exaggerated it a bit, but the idea started with ordinary people just looking up at the stars, wondering.”
“Of course it did,” said Will, “but people look up to the stars and know they’re not alone because God’s there. They don’t want to believe in God, so they create aliens - creatures somewhere out there, interesting and everything, but conveniently having no control over our lives down here.”
“Oh, so now I don’t believe in God, is that it?” Phil was getting mad again.
“Hey Pete, feel like going down and talking to someseagulls?” asked Zeb.
“I’m there!” agreed Peter, eager to avoid getting caught up in the new argument.
The two took off down the 20 steps or so to the first landing and began giving the birds names and interesting personalities, leaving Jesse to cope with the quarrelsome children.
“Guys, guys!” she cut in. “Is this really that important? Is it worth the pain and suffering?” she implored. “Have you no better way to spend your time?”
They looked at her for a second, blinked a couple times, and went back to their argument. Jesse rolled her eyes. “Hey, Peter! I’m joining you two!” Will and Phil’s discussion was getting more and more heated, with gestures and raised voices. While Jesse usually loved a good debate, this one just seemed silly to her.
The accident didn’t happen in slow motion. All she did was stand up and try to walk; the next thing she knew, she was tumbling down the stairs headfirst, with no way of stopping herself.
Peter caught her at the bottom. He’d just turned around at what sounded like a pile of cardboard boxes rolling down the steps, to see not boxes, but Jesse, bumping and bouncing her way toward him. There wasn’t time to do much, and he reached her just as she hit the last step.
She groaned. One arm was covering her face, and the other was wrapped around her stomach. “Oh God, please...” she whispered. Phil and Will were there in an instant, Phil trying to comfort her but nearly hysterical herself. Will tried to carry her but she wouldn’t let him. She was alright, she insisted. It wasn’t like she’d never fallen down a flight of stairs before (the others looked at each other curiously when she brought up that argument, but considerately said nothing).
So she leaned on Zeb a little bit while climbing back up the stairs, with both Will and Peter behind her ready to catch her should she fall, and Phil holding her hand and trying not to cry again. They walked slowly back to camp, Phil and Will looking very sheepish. Peter and Zeb tried to keep her mind occupied by talking about birds, and admittedly they did have her laughing a few times.
When they reached the edge of the Conference Centre property, they had to turn away from the beach to go around the small private property.
“Why don’t we just cut across?” Peter suggested. “Just this once won’t hurt anybody.”
Phil looked wary, however. “I don’t think that’s a good idea,” she said, looking at the triangular beach house. “I think that guy has dogs. He doesn’t like company.”
Peter laughed. “You’re not serious! Don’t we just tell that to the campers to keep them from trespassing?”
“No,” said Jesse, agreeing with Phil. “It’s true. You can see them lying on the front porch sometimes if you canoe past.”
“What kind?” asked Peter.
“A big kind,” said Jess.
“Maybe we should just go around,” suggested Will.
It wasn’t that much farther, really. Jesse was feeling fine anyway. She was only a little worried about what was going on inside her.
Michael came out of the chapel feeling a little more awake. That was one nice thing about this job: getting to use the ‘good’ showers in the chapel basement. The kind that had pressure and sometimes hot water. No, he definitely didn’t miss the boys’ washroom. Life was beginning to look good, when he heard a commotion coming down the road. Lo and behold, around the bend came Zeb, Will, Peter, Phil and Jesse, all chatting up and down like they’d been on a holiday. Zeb saw him and waved. Michael waved back and waited for them to reach him.
“So what gets you all up this early?” he asked.
“An epidemic of sleeplessness,” answered Phil.
“Man,” Will teased, “You missed the party! The Conference Centre is where it’s at.”
“By the way,” said Zeb, “can we borrow your car?”
“Sure,” said Michael. “What for?”
“Well we’ve gotta drive Jesse to the hospital. She fell down a flight of stairs.”
For a moment he was dumbfounded. He couldn’t have just heard what he just heard. “Come again?” he said, half hopefully.
“I fell down a flight of stairs,” said an exasperated Jesse. Michael didn’t seem to take that well so she tried to lighten the atmosphere. “On the other hand, I wasn’t running with any sharp objects.” She tried to smile.
It was then Michael noticed her scratched hands and a small bump forming by her left eye. He was at her side quickly and made her look at him.
“Hey, are you alright?”
She nodded, trying to look confident. “It wasn’t a very big flight of stairs.”
“It was enough that she should see a doctor, though,” said Peter.
Everyone else seemed to agree. Michael ran to get his keys and Phil helped Jesse into the passenger seat as the other boys piled into the back.
“Hey!” Phil protested, noticing the lack of room. “I’ve gotta come too!”
Zeb shrugged. “Life just isn’t fair, is it? Sorry, but I intend to get out of here.”
“I hear they have cable in the hospital lounge,” put in Will.
Phil stamped her foot. “You guys are pigs!”
“Yes,” said Will. “And we’re also going to town.” He was grinning from ear to ear, not even attempting to seem remorseful.
Peter at least tried to look apologetic as he slammed the door. It wasn’t quite convincing, though.
Michael shouted instructions to Phil as he came back with the keys. “We’ll be at the Hanger hospital. We’ll phone if we’re going to be later than noon.” Then they were gone, leaving Phil alone and cranky in a cloud of red dust.
“So,” said Michael as he navigated the winding dirt road. “Why were you guys all out this morning, seriously?”
“We were watching the sunrise,” said Peter.
“We just all happened to have the same idea this morning, and sort of found each other,” said Jesse.
It sounded fishy to Michael. Jesse, yeah, she was an early-bird, but the others? He’d probably never know the real story. Maybe that was just as well.
The next time he glanced at Jesse, she was asleep with her head against the window. He was about to ask the boys in the back if she had hit her head at all during her fall, but a check in the rear view mirror told him they too were out of it. Whatever. As long as they didn’t snore.
In half an hour they reached the small town of Hanger. Jesse woke up and watched as they passed gas stations along the highway before turning onto Main Street. The hospital was right there at the corner. She had to convince the boys that she could walk alone, and eventually they entered the emergency door.
It was the prettiest hospital in the world, or so Jesse firmly believed. It wasn’t white, but painted all sorts of colours, and there were always flowers. It also helped that most of the nurses recognized her as ‘one of the DeFazio girls’ - it made her feel at home even though she didn’t really know any of them. DeFazio was her mother’s maiden name. She’d worked here as a nurse for a few years, and her Aunt Sandra was now a doctor.
The nurse at the reception desk looked warily at Jesse and her troupe of followers as they approached. Jesse tried to smile. “Is Dr. Salo in today?”
“Do you have an appointment?” the nurse asked, polite but curt.
With some effort, she remained smiling. “No, but if she is here could you tell her that her niece would like to see her?”
“Oh?” The nurse’s countenance immediately changed, to Jesse’s relief. “Now whose girl are you? Theresa’s or Lorelei’s?” She had put her pen down and actually looked interested.
“Theresa’s.”
“She had three, didn’t she? Which one are you? It’s so hard to get everyone straight, and as soon as I get them figured out all the kids go and grow up, so I can’t recognize them anymore, and more than likely have more kids of their own, and then I’m really out of it!”
“She had four, and I’m Jesse, the second.”
“Oh, yes, I remember. Terrible thing about the eldest, now how long ago was that...? She used to come around here, you know, visiting your Nan. Must have been two years ago now, I guess...”
This could have gone on for hours if Michael hadn’t interrupted. In a forceful, but not a rude manner, he put his hands on the desk and leaned forward. “Is Dr. Salo in, please?”
“Oh, Dr. Salo,” the nurse said, returning to the present somewhat flustered. “Yes, I believe she’s with Mrs. Dampier just now. You just take a seat and she’ll be with you in a minute,” she said to Jesse.
But just then she spotted her. “Aunt Sandra!” Jess exclaimed.
“Jesse!” cried her aunt, and they ran to each other. “Good to see you,” she said as she gave her a big hug. Finally she stepped back and surveyed her niece, shaking her head. “Nope, still not showing,” she muttered fretfully. Then she noticed her bumps and scratches. “Oh, hon, what’d you do to your head?” she asked and stepped forward to look at it more closely.
Jesse smiled sheepishly. “I had a bit of an accident... it’s not that bad.”
Aunt Sandra sighed. “Well, let’s go take a look at you,” and led her down the hall.
“Well,” said Will, as Jesse and her aunt went off chatting, “our job’s done. Let’s see what’s on the tube.”
“It’s been too long,” agreed Zeb.
Three of the boys found chairs in the lobby, seeing as Jesse was in good hands. But Michael leaned against a lilac wall and watched the hallway until she returned.
Half an hour went by slowly. Michael didn’t even try to watch the TV. Even Will, Zeb and Peter didn’t seem to enjoy it as much as they thought they would. They flipped channels and fidgeted in their vinyl armchairs. They commented on the hospital smell and the poor quality of today’s cartoons. Michael paced.
Finally Will voiced what they’d all been thinking. “So what do you guys think’s taking so long?”
“She’ll be alright, doncha think?” said Zeb.
“I don’t know,” Will said skeptically. “She took quite a tumble. You guys ever see ‘Gone With the Wind’? Falling down stairs is bad news.”
“Well she didn’t fall that far,” Zeb protested. “That Scarlett girl fell like, two stories down. And she rolled a lot more. Jesse only went down like 20 steps.”
“She’ll be fine,” cut in Peter calmly, trying to be logical. “If every pregnant woman that tripped had a miscarriage, there wouldn’t be many babies.”
“Remember, not all pregnant ladies are Jesse,” said Will. “Normal people don’t fall that much. Not that that’s her fault,” he added hastily. “She just hasn’t quite mastered the art of walking.”
“Guys,” Peter whispered loudly, nodding in the direction of the nurse who was still at the front desk, behind the backs of the other boys. She was typing at a computer, but when they looked they saw her give them a curious glance. “Let’s keep it down, eh?”
They shut up accordingly. Somehow none of them liked the idea of that nurse piecing together her own version of this morning’s events, or the other details of Jesse’s story. So they fell into uncomfortable silence. On the TV the crocodile hunter picked up a giant python.
“Crikey,” said Will in awe.
After about two minutes Zeb started pointing and mouthed something the others didn’t understand. Will and Peter shook their heads in confusion, and Zeb rolled his eyes at their lack of imagination. “I’m going to find out what’s happening,” he hissed conspiratorially so they would understand.
Will and Peter were just starting to discourage the idea when Mike heard her sneakered footsteps squeaking down the hall. He looked up a second before the others and caught Jesse’s reassuring smile. Her hands were clasped behind her back and she looked a little sheepish. He closed his eyes for a second and gave a quick prayer of thanks, then leaned back against his wall with a much more relaxed look about him.
The other boys jumped up in unison as they saw her approaching. She laughed quietly at their worried faces. “I’m fine,” she assured them all, and added, “We both are.”

Jasmine lay with her hands folded behind her head, staring at the bunk above her. The cabin was filled with girls chattering mindlessly. She closed her eyes for a moment and tried to push the sound of their high-pitched voices from her mind. It was sickening. All this emotion and anxiety over Jesse: brave, poor, sweet Jesse. They’d been at it since breakfast . Oh no, clumsy Jesse tripped and fell down a flight of stairs! Oh my goodness, what if the baby were hurt! Really - as if anyone cared about the pea-sized ball of tissue.
Her reverie was rudely interrupted. Someone was invading her space. It was Hannah, the one with the short blond hair and t-shirts one size too small. She sat at the foot of Jasmine’s sleeping bag. Jasmine glared at her through narrowed eyes. If the girl so much as mentioned the name Jesse...
“Hi,” Hannah started tentatively, but not shyly. Jasmine didn’t answer, but blinked to let her know she was listening.
“I’m Hannah,” the girl said.
Jasmine nodded.
“You’re Jasmine,” Hannah pointed out, patiently trying to get the conversation going.
This was getting tedious. Better to answer the girl and get it over with. “Yes, I’m Jasmine. Do you want something?” she asked in bored annoyance.
Hannah smiled. “It’s boring in here. Want to go play bump with Sus and me?”
Jasmine was just about to make up an excuse, but found herself hesitating. It was the first enticing offer she’d had all week.